The Stages of a Clinger


Everyone has heard of the Stage 5 clinger, but what about all the stages before that? Shouldn't all men avoid all stages of any clinging situation? The word "clinger" is the term used for a woman who refuses to give you any free time to yourself. They literally cling to your every move. Now if you don't think this sounds so bad after all, read on. If you think this sounds bad, still... read on. It is a must that every man knows how to recognise a clinger, no matter what stage they may currently be in.

The Stage 1 Clinger is said to be any woman. It is natural for all woman to be somewhat needy, right? This is a healthy dose... or rather, a bearable dose of clingliness.

The next stage is the most common amongst clingers. Stage 2 Clinger is more an annoying thing than an actual threat. She's the kind of girl that texts you frequently throughout the day, but that you can get rid of with an excuse, only to have her come back the next with more text messages and so on so forth. She's the persistent one, to say the least.

Now, the Stage 3 Clinger is similar to the previous stage, only upping the level of persistency. She's the type that will randomly show up at your work with a, "Oh I didn't know you worked here!" when she really has your whole entire work schedule for the next two weeks memorised.

The Stage 4 Clinger is a little scarier with her persistency, and potentially dangerous. Proceed with caution. This type of Clinger is the CIA of all clingers. She scopes out information about you and uses it to her advantage at the scariest of times, like when you're starting to realise, that she's a potential Stage 4. Don't be surprised if you show up at your Sunday family dinner and she's there, with a self-invite and calling your parents Mum and Dad.

Lastly, the Stage 5 Clinger is the final resting place. Yes. It's as scary as it sounds. A Stage 5 Clinger will destroy anything and everything that gets in the way of you two, whether it is your friends, family or employer. She will find you, and you will propose and make her a mummy if it's the last thing you do. Literally. Run and run far.

No one likes a Clinger, but being able to recognise which stage your girl is in, may save you a lot of trouble in the future. Take notes, boys!